giovedì, gennaio 05, 2012

What being stupid feels like

Okay, okay, I know I should get down to it and try to make it go in my head without whining, giving the challenges I face, but do you realize how fucking hard Chinese is? Fuck, shit, tittyfuck, cocksucking tough. I've got a few gray hairs and other signs of aging, in the past I've had panic attacks and calmer moments of what feels like absolute acceptance of my own mortality, but this fucking cunt of a cuntfaced language is the first thing that's really making me feel aged.

The fucking words won't get in my head. Or rather they'll go in, turn around a few times like a rich French asshole who's accidentally wandered into an open house for a place they wouldn't even keep their elderly mother in, and then disdainfully leave while murmuring some crushing bon mot about what wreckage it is in there. Like, right a-fucking-way. Bastard fucking evil fucking language won't stay in my fucking, fucking head. Fuck its mother back eight generations. Which, coincidentally, I forget how to fucking say in Chinese.

I'm not bad with languages, you know; or at any rate I speak more languages than most people who don't have an economic imperative to learn languages. But this fucking cunt - this unmitigated shithead of a language - it's bucking my learning style, which has been an efficient learning style, which is basically contextual bluffing - pretending I understand until I actually do. I mean, that's still been a pretty good way to get by and still, I think, is a necessary tool to get the job done with. Maybe even a primary tool, since so much of the Chinese language, particularly the oral language, is so extremely context dependent.

But when it comes to the Romance languages, or the Germanic languages that are related to English in vocab terms and Latin in grammar terms, it's been pretty much my only tool. Because I'm fucking lazy. And I like being lazy. I think being lazy is the fucking way to be. And you know how lazy I can be with Chinese? I can't. I have to be fucking proactive. I have to try really, really hard and put hours and hours and hours of work into it. Oh, what fucking bullshit.

On a lighter note, here's an internet song and video that did the rounds some years back about the Grass Mud Horse, which is supposed to make fun of the censors. It says something about both my poor vocabulary and reliance on cuss words that the only words I can understand are "cunt" and "fuck your mother".

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