martedì, settembre 07, 2010

Transience and being a dumbass

Canada continues well. Which is just as well, since Belgium continues to torture me from afar. Still . . . tempus fugit, and while that's usually tragic if you focus on it too hard, it means that my time associated with Belgium is dwindlingly finite. I have arranged for Lexie to join Sugarplum here, which is breaking my heart, but better for Lexie, and means one more trip here - that's four more days away from Belgium, four more days here, and those with my family and with Sugarplum and Melbine and their kiddoes . . . a real collection of blessings.

Speaking of focusing on the transient nature of time too hard, I think the minor brain problems I've been having since the major brain problems stopped a few years ago have been coming from not being able to accept the goodness of the present for itself, combined with not being to accept pain and annoyance as transient states. I've come to that conclusion before, I know; that I have a problem accepting happiness because I know it's transient, and getting overwhelmed with annoyances because I can't understand they're transient. I'm a fucking dumbass.

And speaking of transience, I've discovered an unexpected benefit to years of recreational brain damage. It turns out that my memory doesn't retain Dorothy Sayers plots. I've been reading Have His Carcasse again and every sentence is a revelation. That is awesome. I'd been so worried about running out of Dorothy Sayers books. Thank you, cannabis.

Well. Enjoying the outdoors here with Jemima the fucking awesome kayak, being present with the fam, planning a last great big trip for the F-word and I to Italy and, for my selfish wee self, planning one last swansong in terms of European "nature": a day at Kew Gardens, probably next Monday. And then . . . a whole new nature. Can you believe it? A whole new continent that's been floating off far away from the other continents for geological ages so it's full of weird animals and birds and trees. Holy shit.