Coax me, cajole me

Last night after Italian class we had a spirited discussion about the finer points of seduction, as it was Valentine’s Day and as both Lady and J*Fish are in the mood to seduce. What a mood to be in. I had a lot to say, considering I still can’t talk and I haven’t really seduced anybody for – how long? Six years? When I say 'really seduce', I don’t mean realizing you’re going to be sleepy in two hours so you move a situation you've already been sensing along a little faster by taking off your pants or something. When I say 'really seduce', I mean creating the situation out of nothing. Moving from zero to 70 in three seconds or less, or, to refer you to Johannes again, jumping from the Friend ladder to the Fuckable ladder without falling into – ah, that theory’s a bit too half-baked for me to get into.

It's true as Lady mentioned last night that sort of action is really sticking your neck out and letting the object of your affections know they have a carte-blanche to kick you in the head – but more than that, it’s an emotion or an urge or whatever that’s powerful and arrogant (in the best sense) enough to let you over-ride all the inhibitions standard people walk around with. There was only once I fell for a near-complete stranger to the degree that I had to chase that beautiful butterfly down the country road. I’m not a cocky person at all, but when I approached him and he told me had plans to meet another girl for lunch, I remember instructing him with complete self-assurance to blow her off and have lunch with me instead. When he and I discussed that conversation years later, he said I’d been telegraphing the message ‘Be nice to me, and I’ll sleep with you’ throughout the exchange – I suppose that’s why it was so effective. I think using the word 'blow' helped too.

I think in a way it's harder for girls. Or do I mean easier? Maybe both. But I do think girls get antsier than boys about dealing with strongly preferring one person, and trying to balance out some perfect cocktail of cool and gush in their approach to letting that person know just how lucky he is if that person doesn't immediately suss out the situation. You know what I mean? Because legions of books have been written and sold about Rules and gender dynamics and shit like that and I don't think it's men buying them. But in the end, since penting things up makes them gross, I think the most important part of seduction for boys and girls is having emotions and urges, being comfy with them, and responding to them as honestly as they can.

That and taking off your shirt, drawing an arrow on your tummy pointing to your crotch and miming “I love you” across a crowded room.