I always figured myself for a passionate person, but maybe I'm not. There's a funny thing to think. There are alot of emotions I'm unwilling to demonstrate. Jealousy is one of them. I'm not saying that to prop myself, because I have a feeling jealousy is important, a good marker of how much you care for someone; the best evidence for that is the people who get upset when you don't get jealous, I suppose. What can I say - if you want me, try to get me, if you want someone else, then chase that beautiful butterfly and get your mopey face out of mine. Is this supposed to make me angry?
I guess it should, actually - the one time I was left for someone else it depressed me so bad I couldn't get out of bed for days, and the one time I was conscious of a friend 'replacing' me (a phenomenon that's been on my mind since reading Lady's archives and realizing there was one day shortly after I moved back from Europe she thought I was her formally-educated replacement - you silly monkey - and I don't look like you, I look about three times Jewier) I calmly hooked up with her ex boyfriend - a nice vicious OPEN bout of jealous rage would have been faster and easier for all concerned.
But I'm cool. I'm SO cool. Too cool? . . .
Frigid?
You can tell by the way I use my walk.
No matter what happens, the next few months are going to have 4-dimensional emotional puzzles in them. Do I solve them with cold, calculating rationality? Do I hack through them like a petulant Farrell-esque Alexander at the Gordian knot? I don't know. And this morning, I'm happy to not know. One thing I do know is a reason to not watch medical dramas. I saw Grey's Anatomy at Lady's last Sunday while locked out of my flat, and it featured a staph infection; staph infections got a write-up in one of the papers I had to read for work, and now I have a little hive-y thing on the back of my hand which could be the first mosquito bite of the season, could be a badly-placed bit of uncharacteristic acne - OR COULD BE A STAPH INFECTION. My hockey career could be over before it even began.
6 commenti:
could you link to a specific post? if you click on the "time" the post was written, you can then link to the specific post so that i don't have to guess what you mean...
replace me? hardly. i'm irreplaceable. but GOD those few weeks J*fish was gone on vacation were some of the longest EVER - by no fault of yours. you were new and B got annoying.
It's this one: http://mariazmess.blogspot.com/2004/07/jump-ship.html
Obviously you're irreplaceable - the only person with the balls to imagine you could be replaced is you. Monkey.
huh - that was in july TWO YEARS AGO. crazy eh?
i got over it quick though - B just gets too "smart-like" in his tone of conversation for my taste.
Shit on a stick, bitch, that means I've been back almost two years. I suddenly feel like Leonard Cohen waking up in the morning and bracing himself to say 'Gotta go, baby, rambling man' while slinking out of some naked woman's apartment.
For me, the smart-like way B talks lets him be funny without trying to make me admire how great he is, or be sorry for him, or be flattered by how great he thinks I am, which are all conversational ploys I associate with dumb boys I don't like much.
Ha!
I don't like it when people show no jealousy at all - it's kind of creepy.
What is bringing on these 4-dimensional puzzles?
I also like the smart way "B" talks - except if we are having a disagreement and then that smart way makes me feel like I am inable to verbally communicate my points without sounding a little whiny and confused. Whinge whinge whinge!
Ah, even the dumb-sounding ones'll do that. Doesn't pay to pay no never-mind.
Boys come in four dimension.
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