I was thinking of being lazy today and just posting an article I wrote elsewhere about Turkish accession to the European Union, but I decided most of my readers would rather see this:
Pretty fucking sweet, no?
Except there's something wrong. Hard to explain. Figaro remembered the clip above from his childhood and showed it to me while we were snaked to the gills, and then we looked for more. It looks like the man who was Piffy, based on the one video we saw of him as a grown-up, may have turned into (?) a nutter. Maybe he hasn't; maybe the video we saw was a weak part of an ongoing online YouTube joke, but he seems to be a nutter.
And then one asks oneself, poor kid, his parents were probably awful to him in my terms by making him practice that act ad nauseum, and who knows how that would ever not make you a nutter? I've been on extremely intimate terms with enough people whose parents could only show their love in difficult ways (which made them difficult people in the end) to feel sort of queasy at this prospect. Not queasy out of sympathy, but queasy that I have to think about these things in terms of complete strangers. It feels far too intimate. But maybe it's my fault for watching him on YouTube when I wanted to be further amused by his act. Maybe it's my fault for wanting other people to amuse me once in awhile.
But what the fuck is WITH people posting videos of themselves on YouTube? I only realized this weekend that there are THOUSANDS of people who do it. I sort of knew from having to cover that Loney Girl shit for my work magazine, but I didn't understand until just now.
What I don't understand is why it's such a mystery to me. With this blog I can pretend it's just a question of personal expression and I'm not just splashing my own brand of nutbarishness across the screen. I write for a living for a crappy industry-promotion magazine so this is a way to be allowed to write with my real opinions, swearwords and shitty grammar. But those seem like lousy excuses even to me, and I'm sure most people would say it's probably something like the same exhibitionism that makes people post emotional videos of themselves on YouTube.
The thing is, videos are different. Harder to just look away from. More raw than words. Stopping it feels like you're insulting the person who made it. And then being presented with the video feels like a hijack of my faculties for intimacy, and that makes my tummy feel funny. From what I remember of TV, that was part of the reason I had to stop watching it. Too many highly personal narratives. On reality television, even on fucking commercials. Too much for me.
I suppose what I'm saying is that the fact that a woman who likes porn and streetfights as much as I do has to make an effort to look away from alot of things these days shows we live in degenerate times.