martedì, marzo 13, 2007

Frazzle dazzle'em

Last night I had a dream about an erupting volcano. It was neat. Volcanoes are awesome. Volcanoes, dinosaurs and sabre-toothed tigers are three things that I have always thought were extremely fucking cool. Why those things? Was I, in past lives, burnt, squished or sabred by each thing, and consequently have a healthy respect for them now? On which note, if there are any proselytizing religions that plug reincarnation, they should put some emphasis on the fact that we may have been a dinosaur in a former life, which is the coolest. Thing. Ever. Can you imagine the view that the brontosauruses must have enjoyed every time they woke up in the mornings and lifted their head? Can you imagine having been one of those platy bastards with the two walnut-sizes brains on each end of its body? Although according to Mr. H, we actually have more neurons in our tummies than our heads so we sort of have two brains too. But we don't have plates, that's for damn sure.

Not much else to say. I'm frazzled. Tried to pack last night and got stymied when I couldn't decide where to pack my vibrator. Do I ship it for later or put it in the hold luggage and hope that the security staff see so many vibrators go through they don't bother taking it out, making jokes, and filthifying it somehow? Put it in my hand luggage and tolerate the funny looks of the screeners and the laughter of the masses if I have to take it out and turn it on to demonstrate it's not a bomb in the security line? I like the last option, actually. That way I can keep an eye on it, and it might lighten the mood for my fellow passengers, who will be as annoyed as I am with all the carrying and lining up.

Incidentally, the stupidest thing I have ever read in my life is that this incident was considered, by a judge, serious enough to go to trial (although it didn't, in the end). What the fuck is the matter with Americans? It's not just Arabic speakers who fuck up their p's and b's; those are both plosive consonants made with exactly the same lip movements. If anybody should be on trial it's the prosecutor's office, for being such massive fucking stupid tax dollar squandering knobs that they will never, ever need to even think about getting a penis pump.

I'd also like to point out, after that vicious slam last week, that season six of The Sopranos improved immensely after those revoltingly bad first three episodes that had Tony in a coma. But now I don't have time to watch the rest before I leave. Fuck.

4 commenti:

Sugarplum ha detto...

Your family is from a part of Italy that would have a healthy fear of volcanoes, I'm sure. Maybe, despite your having grown up in Canada, that fear was passed on to you somehow.

If you don't have batteries in your vibrator - and it's just plastic - maybe it will pass unnoticed.

Mistress La Spliffe ha detto...

On the Calabrian side the trouble is earthquakes. But my uncle's house has a lovely view of Mount Etna and when it's cranky they get to watch, and they get a fine layer of ash sometimes. Actually, half the dream was in my uncle's house.

Melbine ha detto...

I had a pretty neat dream too - aliens were trying to invade Canada and were led by none other than George Bush. I had to kill with the biggest knife in my kitchen. At first I was just throwing the knife and kind of injuring him. Then I got up close and rammed the knife right in this stomach. It was so vivid. Turns out he never died anyway..Krazy pointed out that's because he's an alien. Weird.

Mistress La Spliffe ha detto...

Weird is right. Funny that, even for a pacifisty girl like me, one of the scary things about aliens is that I wouldn't know how to kill them.