Last night I dreamt of having my first threesome. I suppose it was on my mind because awhile ago, we went to a Latino festival and this Irish rub-a-dub friend of a friend tried to pick a fight with the F-word by dragging me off home with him and bellowing about how I had the best tits in the vicinity, though they were covered up in a cable-knit sweater and an ugly Italian puffy vest. First of all, at the time I got a love-triangley feeling that incident was more about the emotions the rub-a-dub was having for the F-word than for my tits. And then yesterday it popped into my head that the rub-a-dub looked very much like someone I almost did have a threesome with a few summers ago.
Anyways, I dreamt about having a threesome with a man and a lady, which I wasn't happy about, as I'd always promised myself any threesome with me in it would have two men. Then it turned out that the lady was a pre-op transsexual who'd been born a man. I still wasn't absolutely happy with the situation, but afterwards I felt a deep glow of satisfaction, like I'd done something really clever. You know, it's like the feeling you have in the adolescent stage of your life where you define yourself by your appetites, and when you go on a binge, you feel really good about it.
Waking up, I felt a strange sadness as I realized that time is over now and the window has shut on the possibility of making it with two people at once. Bingeing makes me feel stupid and having a threesome would just be a sexual binge that would make me feel stupid. I suppose the lesson of the dream is that I should have seized the day back in the first flush of my youth, when excess meant something besides just excess because there's still something new and exploratory about it.
Or maybe there's something deeper and more abstract there about how I need to look for new kinds of satisfaction - not necessarily the kind that involves making it with people - but that generally I need to be open to something new and exciting happening that I didn't think could. Too bad I work too fucking hard to notice anything except how exhausted I am when I'm not working. Ho. Hum.
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The problem with getting older are the routines we create for ourselves that keep us within a comfort zone and make us feel that it is too much of an effort to try something new. And the fact that we care more about not looking stupid.
let's see if i comprehend correctly: this 3some 'occurred' with your parents in the house? transgression squared.
I agree with Sugarplum. It's so hard to break out of the comfort zone the older we get. But really, we're not so old, are we??
sorry - i got that it was a dream (maybe I should have said "subconsciously occurred" instead 'occurred'), what i was trying to say was that it seemed like an interesting time for dream of that sort, what w/ yr folks in town and all...
Oh no, I didn't think you'd thought I'd been pulling a Larry Flynt.
You're right, though, and helpful in pointing out that confluence of events. A crippling fear of dissappointing my parents is definitely one thing that gets in my way of looking for new kinds of satisfaction. But I've blathered about that in the past.
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