giovedì, ottobre 07, 2010

Anger ligament snapped

Oh boy oh boy. The clock's a'tickin' on this fucking place. Been idlly planning our trip up the Pacific coast of Australia and I'm starting to get totally stoked. Fuckin' animals and botanical gardens and beaches the whole way. Fucking A+.

The upshot is that this morning when I was doing my qi gong and on the fifth movement of the cycle - I forget what it's called but it's the 'angry' move, a sort of haka on ketamine, when you're intended to focus your anger - I realized for the first time in literally years, I'm totally short on anger. No joke. I've been fucked around like crazy since getting back here by institutional types, as has been normal and infuriating, but I don't fucking care; in fact I've laughed in three people's faces after they've presented me with one logical monstrosity or another.

The thing is it doesn't matter anymore - I've got my tickets, my cat's safe, I'm willing to walk away from my apartment deposit, I'm leaving a fake address, I am so outties - and these poor trogs are stuck in this mildewy puddle of a failed state for the rest of their naturals. Schadenfreude and anger are simply not compatible. The sad part is I think they know it. I've got more passionate, hurt responses out of people from laughing in their faces these past few days than I ever did from becoming visibly angry and spitting out insulting truths. Oh well. As long as no one stabs me, I'll be good.

Oh yeah, except one of the institutional types to fuck me around and who I started laughing at was at the post office, so I'm not getting my mail forwarded, so definitely don't send anything to me here. Ever. Again. Fucking A+.

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