mercoledì, dicembre 21, 2011

How to tell you're (as in I'm) a shitty pinko

1. You make more money than a school teacher and you pay 13% tax

2. The phrase "That disgusting fat little fucking prole is a bad person for trying to make this all about dollars and cents" issues forth fully-formed from you, both mentally and verbally, and you still mean it

3. You had your own tuktuk driver in India

Oh please, hand me control of state funds and the military, I'm gonna make this all a big communist paradise, obviously. Fuck.

Speaking of proles. We just spent three days driving down from L___ to Victoria, camping and picnicing on the way, which was pleasant, in all but that I had to use a lot of public toilets. Which isn't strictly unpleasant, actually, since say whatever you want about Australian culture, and there's precious little to be said, but it does feature a great many public toilets, most of them quite clean, especially after a week in Delhi.

Anyways, I was using one in a small country town in the middle of NSW (we drive inland; it's a helluva lot prettier than the Pacific Highway, and zero traffic, even at this time of year), and sort of lining up for a really terrific poo (Lord love you, anonymous blogs), when suddenly three women burst in and starting puking really loudly, in the other two cubicles and in the sink. It actually put me off pooing, which I didn't know until then was possible. Here is the conversation they were having:

Girl 1:(Retch) Girl 2 (retch), can you come (retch) hold my hair back?

Girl 2: (Retch) No (retch).

Girl 3: What (retch) did all three of us (retch) eat?

Girl 1: (Retch) Dominos (retch)?

Girl 2: Chinese (retch)?

Girl 3: Well (retch) I don't know (retch) but Girl 1, you (retch) puked all down the side of my car. You're going to have to (retch) clean that off.

Girl 1: No (retch) way!

Girl 3: It's either that or you walk home.

Girl 1: Fine (retch). Get together some paper towels then (retch). Get lots.

Obviously I offered to get them help and wished them well but they all seemed pretty laid back about the situation. Also they were all the size of three of me, and I'm no lightweight, so I guessed they could all stand to sick a few meals. 

3 commenti:

e.f. bartlam ha detto...

You are a Pinko...well established.

I am a cold hearted right wing libertarian...who thinks there's nothing more poisonous than a qualified right.

And yet our universes somehow manage to communicate. I have been wanting to tell you something funny since Tuesday morning...but didn't think I'd have the opportunity.

Then you post this...

Monday night my by wife's boss took us all out for a swanky meal and Christmas party. This place serves duck nachos as an appetizer...I push a pregnant woman over to get some. Anyway...they also serve calamari.

Of course, I didn't touch it...not after what I know now. The rest of 'em devoured it.

Everyone of 'em were sick the next day except for me.

They better go get checked for v.d.


Dread Pirate Jessica ha detto...

I don't know what profession your wife is in, but I guess all her colleagues had a bit of deep sea fisherman in them that night. Hah!

Duck nachos sound amazing. Like the beautiful lovechild of a cook from Beijing and another from Mexico or somewhere.

Dr Wommm ha detto...

I'd avoid eating skate if y're ever in the UK for exactly the same reason...

I aslo second the duck nachos as an idea whose time has come. I instantly became hungry just reading the words.

Hope you and the F-word are having an excellent Christmas, we're just about to open the first bottle of some appallingly delicious and old Rioja, and will be toasting you both.