venerdì, febbraio 03, 2012

Swabbing and sweeping

I'm making an effort to organize my life to some degree, rather hoping to welcome a new thing into it before frightfully wrong (we want a Dragon baby, like most of China), and am finally getting around to looking for a local gynaecologist, which means I'm finally getting around to being astounded and disgusted that there are no lady gynaecologists in L----. What the fuck. You want me to let a man, who by definition doesn't even have one, tell me about my pussy after annoying it with cotton swabs and whatever else? No, sir. There are a lot of good things about women's liberation and one of them is that more chicks went to medical school, and now I get to find one to be my gynaecologist.

The F-word, who himself I think quite reasonably insists on the male equivalent - what's the proper name for a balls doctor? - has volunteered to drive me anywhere I need to go so all that's fine, just bleedingly inconvenient. Fuck, sometimes I hate living in a country town. When I decided a couple of years back that it was going to be a good idea, I was wildly rose-tinted in my outlook about what sort of services would be available. That was silly. I have a vague memory of there being no female gynaecologists in Pinerolo, either, which is the closest thing to a country town I've lived in since North Bay, which I'm not sure has lady gynaecologists either.

We've also created a housecleaning schedual. It's come to this. We're both filthy people and our filthinesses are getting incompatible, not through any maturation of our characters but because of home ownership. If it was just an apartment, we could go on not giving much of a shit and just get housecleaners in on our way out. But it is our house, so we can't, because one day we want to sell it and fuck off and that day will be years away. The other problem is that it's the tropics. And the tropics comes with a wealth of fucking disgusting bugs. It's not a question of leaving food out, which we generally don't; it's that if we leave things lying around bugs and spiders move into them. I don't mind bugs and spiders, but I do mind having lots of them.

And then there's the great Addition, of course. If we don't get into a rhythm of not being filthy now, our lives and home will go to hell when or if it comes. Especially as the F-word is about to start a full time vocational course in pottery. When I say "go to hell" I mean hiring professionals to do all our stuff for us, and having to pay through the nose for that, because this is Australia and there aren't enough immigrants.

7 commenti:

e.f. bartlam ha detto...

You gotta have a lady doctor. There are things that you look at and just know..."that would never have come about organically"..and male obgyns are one of those things.

Good luck with the cleaning. We have somebody come in every other week to knock out the big stuff...bathrooms, windows, floors, dusting and all that.

I just hope you can still find the time and energy to blog if and after the bundle...those posts would be highly anticipated.

Dread Pirate Jessica ha detto...

We've already decided we're not capable of cleaning our own walls and windows - we'll see what else gets added to the list as we go along.

I hope I have the time too, and I hope my posts are half as awesome as those about your young man.

e.f. bartlam ha detto...

Oh they'll be good.

It'll be infuriating...which really brings out the entertainer in you...but, you'll love you'll have to somehow deal with that.

I can't wait.

e.f. bartlam ha detto...

And thank you for that...he makes it easy.

Chris ha detto...

Look for midwives maybe. In the US they perform all the routine check-ups and baby deliveries, etc, and they tend to be nicer to your lady parts then then their doctor counterparts.

Mistress La Spliffe ha detto...

Yes, spoke to mummy friends here and that's what I'm gonna do. Thank goodness!

Galli ha detto...

"what's the proper name for a balls doctor?"

LOL. I think the closest thing would be a urologist.

In a way, I can relate to your conundrum. A few years' ago I was involved in an accident and experienced "trauma" to my manly bits. The only urologist around was a woman. I was prodded and poked around there and, ultimately, it was decided that the manly bits couldn't be saved. Long story short, a female "balls doctor" performed the surgery to remove my testicles.

She was a consummate professional though and don't think her not having a pair made any difference.