Today I felt a feeling that I haven't felt in years and years. It's that feeling which is shared between the experiences of getting dumped, dumping someone, someone dying, and saying goodbye to loved ones when you first set off on a big trip. You know that one feeling I mean? Not the big awful grief of death, not heartbreak. Heartache, I guess. There's probably a better and more specific word for it in some language I don't know yet. I think REM called it losing your religion once upon a time. I used to love and respect the person I'm upset with at the moment so much and now I'm just down to love. That's hard for me. I have so little respect for anything, respect is a scarce commodity in my consciousness, and it turns out it's horribly difficult to let go of the dribs and drabs I've clung on to over the years.
(Monster of selfishness exhibit one: his son is so victimized by his behaviour and I know I should be feeling, if anything, sympathy for his son, but right at the moment the strongest thing I feel about the situation is ashamed.)
Well, be that as it may, today Godzilla waved at his uncle Elvis. And then at me. And then at everybody who waved at him first. I feel like he entered the human race today. Which made up for the losing the religion. It made up for the fact some poor little 18 year old rear-ended us at a red light this morning and then burst into tears. It made up for the fucking cretinous fruit plucked by the F-word yesterday or the day before or whenever it was. My son is officially a little person who communicates.
(Monster of selfishness exhibit one: his son is so victimized by his behaviour and I know I should be feeling, if anything, sympathy for his son, but right at the moment the strongest thing I feel about the situation is ashamed.)
Well, be that as it may, today Godzilla waved at his uncle Elvis. And then at me. And then at everybody who waved at him first. I feel like he entered the human race today. Which made up for the losing the religion. It made up for the fact some poor little 18 year old rear-ended us at a red light this morning and then burst into tears. It made up for the fucking cretinous fruit plucked by the F-word yesterday or the day before or whenever it was. My son is officially a little person who communicates.
4 commenti:
It's obvious that whatever has happened has been very upsetting but, and for what it's worth, the last post was a perfect example of losing your religion...that kinda blind anger.
The quasi-Southern REM (this was actually a topic of conversation at a party tonight...none of them are born Southerners)did employ this old Southernism to some effect for a song.
At this point you seem more in pain than angry. Sorry about that...really. I hope it works itself out.
Waves to Godzilla.
That'll teach me to Google things instead of learn them from rock bands I don't actually like.
Naw...you were on the right track.
You definitely seem to have lost it this week.
It has been a bit of a weekus horribilis.
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