mercoledì, marzo 16, 2016

We'll always have Christchurch

Went into the old town for dinner with parents (who are visiting), man and boy this evening, and the boy wanted to try on some merino wrist warmers I bought myself in New Zealand with dear friend who was living there a few years back. "Don't lose them," I said, "it's not like I can go to New Zealand and buy more."
"Yes you can," said the F-word. "But I won't," I said. And I realized, for the first time, I guess, that there's a place I love - I can safely say I really loved New Zealand - that I will almost certainly never see again. 

My dear friend who was living there is safely back in Canada again. And now that Elvis is no longer living in Vancouver, 14 hour diagonal-Pacific flights - thank heaven! - are something necessity is unlikely to compel me to do again. And diagonal-Pacific is pretty much where New Zealand is.  

Any future visits to Australia will be grudging and probably brief as they can be, and then New Zealand is in the wrong direction to get back home. Unless home becomes Ontario again some day, but if that happens I'm going to assume it would be because of some global or personal cataclysm that would leave little time, money or airspace security for visits to Australia, let alone side-jaunts to New Zealand. For the first time that the two things happened at the same time, the world felt too big for me and my life felt too short.

2 commenti:

aglaiketstirk ha detto...

Yep. It is.

But it's a weird saddening thought - that there will be lots of 'lasts'. Though some things I am so happy not to repeat...

Heidegger was right. Surely 'being-towards-death' or death consciousness is just a fancy way of saying what is grasped (often too) late - appreciate every minute cos it's all finite. And that knowledge should sharpen appreciation.

Mind you it's a theory I've been too shit at making reality. Everydayness has been my anaesthetic. Death consciousness depresses the hell out of me. Who could live at that feverpitch intensity?

Lovely to read of your parents' visit. Enjoy :-)

Mistress La Spliffe ha detto...

I have started to very occasionally get inklings of an impression that someday I'll feel like all the "thank fuck I don't have to do that ever again" will outweigh the "how awful I'll never do that again"; I've given up gleefully believing I'm just gonna live for ever, and am now focused on getting to a point where death is going to feel like a release. I guess that's what the aging process and other people's mortality is for.

All that having been said, we are having a lovely visit and they are both in good nick, all things considered.