Just got back from a two week trip to Canada, where I had some business. The business was concluded to my satisfaction, but it was a devastatingly sad trip, having a front-row seat to one of my brothers carry out stages 3 and 4 of completely torpedoing his own moral and physical existence, and a front-row seat to the impact that is having on the people closest to him.
I was pretty fucking happy to get home yesterday. Speaking of:
Me: So hey . . . even though the Monkey King is still breastfeeding all the time, I think I'm ovulating again because I actually really want to have sex with you beyond affectionate maintenance.
F-word: That's great news! That means . . . .
Me: We can be frustrated together.
I was pretty fucking happy to get home yesterday. Speaking of:
Me: So hey . . . even though the Monkey King is still breastfeeding all the time, I think I'm ovulating again because I actually really want to have sex with you beyond affectionate maintenance.
F-word: That's great news! That means . . . .
Me: We can be frustrated together.
3 commenti:
The hardest pain to watch that kind of shit. I'm sorry.
Sometimes full-on rock-bottom disintegration needs to be reached - before there's any meaningful chance of renewal/rebuilding. But shit is shit - and there's no comfort in maybes.
Been there with the ovulation :-D
You are one tough wummin.
You know what happened in my story. I am made of pure hedonism and 'what the fuck-ery' :-D
I feel bad, awful really, but what concerns me the most is my mother. She's really internalizing this as her own failure and it just drives me insane.
Your poor Mum. That is so sore. And no amount of reassuring her that this is not about her 'failure' - that it is not about her - will ease any of it. Ah dear. All we can ever do as parents is hope that our children make choices that are good for them and the important others in their lives. It's the powerlessness of being a parent to an adult who is making shit or harmful choices that is crippling - and that's when we tend to turn inwards on ourselves. And you can know rationally that they are adults making their own choices - it still doesn't help silence that inner voice that says 'did you do this? yes, you did this...you shouldn't have done (list of things you did)' Seeing your child hurt - themselves and/or others - it's like sawing bits off yourself without anaesthetic. I'm sorry. Sending hugs. x
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