The pandemic is hitting me psychologically most strongly in the sense that this present orgy of premature reopening, this disregard for basic science in rich Western countries, is keeping me from any near-term prospect of seeing my family back home or down south. 

There it is. Isn't that dreadful? That's what's keeping me awake at night. Hundreds of thousands of people are going to die without a good reason and I'm all pissed off because the fact that western Europe and the USA have decided on a "model" meaning years of waves of infection while we wait for a vaccine that might not come, or herd immunity that might not be that meaningful, is going to spin out the time until I can see my family overseas, and maybe in the meantime some of them will die.

But the other way it's hitting me psychologically is this realization I thought I'd already come to many years ago, that I didn't think could disturb me anymore, but it turns out it does when I see it in mass action - the political leadership of the richest Western countries really does not give a shit about people. At all. There is no meaningful social contract in the USA, the UK, and maybe not even here, I'd say, despite how fond Germans are of patting themselves on the back over how well they think they're handling this.

All there is, is dominance. Power. You can hate paternalism all you like. You can even hate socialism if you like. But if you don't have those two things and still have a political power structure that makes the rules for your commerce, your behaviour, and tax collection and redistribution (or fucking lack thereof), all you're left with is power. A power that uses you and does not give a shit about you and will happily see you dead if that lets it maintain itself. 

All the cynicism I practiced when times were good didn't prepare me for this.