Spliffe: (moodily stirs coffee in the grips of an obvious sulk. Finally, bursting out) What the hell was that Hugh Jackman dream about?
Body: (looking briefly up from MSN) Don't ask me. You're the one with the unconscious.
Spliffe: Don't give me that fucking tone. I would not have dreamt of Hugh Jackman doing that if you weren't all fucking full of whiney stupid hormones. Honestly, what the fuck.
Body: Oh, well I'm just soooo fucking sorry not all your dreams can be about volcanoes and running around Campania fighting crime. We're not just going through a series of epiphanies, bitch, I need something too!
Spliffe: (sighing) Look, I told you it wasn't going to be easy . . .
Body: And then you fucking did it anyways, didn't you? Nobody cares what I think.
Spliffe: Oh come on. You're fucking crazy about Figaro.
Body: Yeah, well, shut up.
(Loaded silence. We both sip the coffee)
Spliffe: It's only two more months . . . less . . .
Body: TWO FUCKING MONTHS! HOLY SHIT! Look at me, bitch. I'm beautiful and silky and appealing. I will probably never be more beautiful and silky and appealing than this. And you want me to stay under wraps for another two months, after staying under wraps for almost two months before that. When I'm old and wrinkly you'll be sorry.
Spliffe: Or I might not. I might be really glad. So might you. You're so pessimistic.
Body: You've got my head in the clouds.
Spliffe: You know we did it your way for a long time . . .
Body: And we had fun!
Spliffe: Sometimes we had fun. But in retrospect, can't you see we always had fun when we were footloose and fancy free and somewhere foreign, where we didn't have to give a fuck about what anyone thought? Is there anybody here you want?
Body: Hugh Jackman! Football players!
Spliffe: Think about what you just said.
Body: (thinks) Uhmmmm . . . oh. (lapses into silence) Look, promise me something.
Body: If this doesn't work, can we move somewhere the men play fewer video games?
Spliffe: YES. We'll do a market study and we won't be shy of rolling blackouts. I PROMISE.
Body: Okay. Can we go to the gym now?
Spliffe: Yes, honey. We can go to the gym now.
Body: And then have some cookies?
Body: And an iced coffee float?
Spliffe: Either cookies or an iced coffee float. Not both.
Body: (sulks again) Well, can we at least belch in the crowded elevator on our way up to the office?
Spliffe: We'll see.