giovedì, giugno 15, 2006

Not really a grump, more of a high-pitched whine

So here's hoping my misanthropy and suddenly vast belly are from warily approaching the rag, and not from being actually misanthropic and fat by nature; or worse, parthenogenetically pregnant with own cloned offspring.

Worse. . . hmm? Another little Spliffe? I could raise her outside of the Catholic church, outside of the strictures of a conventional Aspromontese family, outside of everything that's ever made me feel as if it's much more useful to prepare for failure than to fight for success. I could see what she could do if I did all that. And while I bet she could take over everything and have the neck of the world under her foot by my present age, I also understand there's a strong possibility she might not be able to breathe anymore by the time she turned 27 because her lungs would be lined with crank.

So instead, my own lungs being relatively clean, I'll just stop feeling stupid and failure prone - a judgement which, outside of certain minor aspects of my RIDICULOUS emotional life, doesn't bear scrutiny yet, and there's no sense in beating myself up now for the stupid things I might not even do tomorrow. This particular bit of navel-gazing was brought on by this dream:

The people in a city close to a volcano knew it was going to erupt, but they didn’t leave. Instead, they watched and waited, hoping it would be okay but not being sure it would. Indeed, it wasn’t. I could hear the rumbling, and I knew it would be a huge explosion of hot gas and debris, and that the town where they were would be obliterated by a pyroclastic avalanche. The people knew this was at risk. Right before the explosion, the day went as dark as night. On the main street of the city an older man approached a young woman and apologized to her; she understood, and they were content, and then the volcano blew.

I approached the city; I was a native who'd been away on a matter of business or politics. I looked like a character from an Italian soap opera. When I approached the place where my city had been, I couldn’t believe it when there was nothing there. Although I knew there was a chance it had been flattened by a volcano eruption, I thought maybe I'd got lost on my way back, or even that the whole city had moved. The issue was further confused by the area where the city had been not being desolate, but covered in terraces and young grapevines.

"Well," I said, "upwards and onwards." Then I ran off to carry on with my business or politics.

5 commenti:

Lady ha detto...

"outside of everything that's ever made me feel as if it's much more useful to prepare for failure than to fight for success." amen, sistah.

i think i've stopped dreaming. maybe this weekend, when i go to the Bay, and don't smoke any reefer.

i think i have a stye in my eye. :( it hurts. why me??

Melbine ha detto...

Are you really wondering whether you're pregnant? Maybe not a discussion for the blog comment box..

Your dream sounds like it was soo cool, and that little part of me that believes in past lives wonders whether you were re-living something you've been through before? I dream so instantly now, my body skips right to REM these days, it knows it may get interrupted at any time. :) I'm hoping in a few weeks it will realize that it's okay, baby's sleeping through the night now..

Styes are bad. I spent all of my childhood and adolescence getting them regularly. Turned out I have blepharitis - so keep your eyes clean!

Mistress La Spliffe ha detto...

Lady, I don't know. But I imagine all the reefer you smoke dries out the surface of your eyeballs, probably making them more liable to infection. Why don't you take multivitamins and drink more water?

Mel, parthenogenetic reproduction has always been a fear/fantasy of mine, but no, I don't really think I'm pregnant. I'm being a faithful chaste young Penelope and don't think the Holy Ghost has descended on me any time lately to implant the Word Made Flesh.

I don't know if I was reliving something in a past life. My analyst thought my inner theatre was illustrating a forgiveness and evolution process that's going on in my brain at the mo, and it's easier to believe him. Though if past lives get past along bloodlines, I suppose it could have been the obliteration of Pompeii while I was off whoring myself or assassinating people in other parts of Campania Felix. I was wearing a pretty snazzy dress, and the volcano almost definitely was Vesuvius.

Melbine ha detto...

Well I wasn't sure, because you know, it's about 2 months ago since Figaro was here...!

I think that the dream could have been a past life helping you go through a forgiveness and evolution process..if you ask me.

I bet past lives do get passed along bloodlines, because if you believe the theory, wouldn't your soul just keep being attracted to the loved ones/souls you already know? I don't know. Now I'm talking out my ass..

Mistress La Spliffe ha detto...

If I didn't like ass-talk, I wouldn't watch World Cup Football. My god, if I was single in Germany right now, I'd really want an apartment building with a revolving door if you know what I mean . . . no! No! Bad Mistress La Spliffe! Never mind, never mind.