So here's hoping my misanthropy and suddenly vast belly are from warily approaching the rag, and not from being actually misanthropic and fat by nature; or worse, parthenogenetically pregnant with own cloned offspring.
Worse. . . hmm? Another little Spliffe? I could raise her outside of the Catholic church, outside of the strictures of a conventional Aspromontese family, outside of everything that's ever made me feel as if it's much more useful to prepare for failure than to fight for success. I could see what she could do if I did all that. And while I bet she could take over everything and have the neck of the world under her foot by my present age, I also understand there's a strong possibility she might not be able to breathe anymore by the time she turned 27 because her lungs would be lined with crank.
So instead, my own lungs being relatively clean, I'll just stop feeling stupid and failure prone - a judgement which, outside of certain minor aspects of my RIDICULOUS emotional life, doesn't bear scrutiny yet, and there's no sense in beating myself up now for the stupid things I might not even do tomorrow. This particular bit of navel-gazing was brought on by this dream:
The people in a city close to a volcano knew it was going to erupt, but they didn’t leave. Instead, they watched and waited, hoping it would be okay but not being sure it would. Indeed, it wasn’t. I could hear the rumbling, and I knew it would be a huge explosion of hot gas and debris, and that the town where they were would be obliterated by a pyroclastic avalanche. The people knew this was at risk. Right before the explosion, the day went as dark as night. On the main street of the city an older man approached a young woman and apologized to her; she understood, and they were content, and then the volcano blew.
I approached the city; I was a native who'd been away on a matter of business or politics. I looked like a character from an Italian soap opera. When I approached the place where my city had been, I couldn’t believe it when there was nothing there. Although I knew there was a chance it had been flattened by a volcano eruption, I thought maybe I'd got lost on my way back, or even that the whole city had moved. The issue was further confused by the area where the city had been not being desolate, but covered in terraces and young grapevines.
"Well," I said, "upwards and onwards." Then I ran off to carry on with my business or politics.