venerdì, luglio 07, 2006

Hungover ranting

Good morning, my doves. I’m feeling so funky I don’t know what to do with myself. It will probably involve going to work, though. Before I do, I’d like to share a story I heard last night about the first time in eight years Mr. C was forced to say a pre-dinner grace (is there any other kind?) at the request of a client, whose family he was wining and dining. Rising to the occasion, Mr. C bowed his head and prayed,

“Lord, bless this food we are about to receive, and everybody have a nice day.”

Praise Him!

So they caught the pisseurs. Am I betraying a fatuous indulgence when I say the phrase ’23 year old man’ sounds completely oxymoronic? How many 23 year old men have you ever known? I’ve known none. Not one single goddamn 23 year old man. Any male creature I’ve known of that age could have a lot of nouns applied to him, but ‘man’ is not one of them. Well, there was one. But he was a civil war veteran from Lebanon so he was special. Also he was really hot so I might have been misled.

I’m not saying there shouldn’t be legal consequences for a retard who pisses on a war memorial or a tomb, of the Unknown Soldier or whoever else. Just that we’ve collectively allowed a society wherein little is asked of young men, so it’s unreasonable to only blame them when we start expecting something of them all of a sudden. I’m pretty sure 80% of my male acquaintance of any age would consider it fairly acceptable to piss where they stood if they were drunk enough, and 100% of my male acquaintance would have considered it a jolly lark to piss wherever they thought they shouldn’t when they were 23 if they’d drunk at all.

Too many video games and lousy media role models, that’s the problem. Too much Adam Sandler and not enough Tom Selleck. And women giving it up for men who don’t hold doors open for them. Ladies, can’t you tell he’s trying as hard as he fucking can to select himself out? You’re not going to turn around that wild horse! Nail someone more polite!

6 commenti:

Melbine ha detto...

Here here! I think that's how most people feel about this. I hardly think more security is needed on the's not like they're reaallly doing anything anyway. What are they going to do, walk up to the guy and say, "Excuse me sir, you need to put that away!"

Mistress La Spliffe ha detto...

Or the security guard could punch the pisseur in the face while he's holding his dick. I think we should introduce a statute making it legal to punch people in the face when they piss on public monuments. Seems karmically apt to me.

Sugarplum ha detto...

Pissing in public seems to be a real problem here. A homeless man was just stabbed to death by a pissing-in-public man when he asked the pissing-in-public man not to piss near the place where he slept. I don't think more security is necessarily the answer but there is a problem in that area with public pissing. Maybe if the homeless man had just punched the pissing-in-public man in the face instead of confronting him he'd be alive today. Maybe the problem is that the general public is too polite when it sees public pissing.

Mistress La Spliffe ha detto...

I think that is the problem. The general public is way too 'polite', if by polite you mean chickenshit, way too much of the time. Way too tolerant of assholes, to the degree assholes decide they can probably get away with stabbing homeless people who don't want them to piss where they sleep. And then the general public wants security guards, CCTV cameras and a police state to take care of things for them, resignedly pissing their own freedom into the wind.

Melbine ha detto...

Hey, I know you sugarplum! I'd recognize that profile anywhere. :)

Down with the assholes! Happy weekend everybody!

Mistress La Spliffe ha detto...

Sugarplum has the most elegant long sentences. She could pretend she was living in Ohio and I'd still recognize them.