I have the feeling things are piling up on me. First time since Figaro got here that’s happened – maybe my Catholicism is punishing me for the decadent indolence of Lady’s island or maybe I’ve been a bit of a general lazy tosser lately. I have to find a way to integrate sharing my life with someone and not being a lazy whore. It stresses me when the things pile up, you see, and there’s enough peripheral stress coming in from things I can’t control. It tells on me – my organs are starting to hurt a bit again, and while that’s probably from all the fat-binging at the cottage I know it was stress that brought it on last time. So I must deal with the stress.
The thing is the last time my organs started hurting, I was under mammoth and remarkable stress. The thesis and its defense, sharing a city with my psycho ex, seeing various controversial people again and all the rest of it. This time I’m not saying I’ve got no stress, and that everything is easy-peasy, but the sort of stress I have now is the sort of stress that I can expect about 70% of the time for the rest of my life.
I’m not daunted – I mean, last time I collapsed and turned yellow and slept for a few days, and this time I just ate vast amounts of fatty animal and have what feels like a little tummy-ache – but I’ll confess I’m fucking pissed I may have to adjust my diet permanently and that I can’t just let stress pile up and have a nervous breakdown like other people because my tummy starts hurting too bad first.
Al-riiiiiight! Did you enjoy that literal little navel-gaze? Me neither! I’ll be back with substance tomorrow, perhaps.
4 commenti:
I did enjoy it actually! It's good to let these things out...the majority of my posts aren't about anything of substance. That's why I like doing it!
You're lucky to have a body that presses the alert button when you're heading towards internal combustion due to stress. My body is like that too and I'd prefer that over a nervous breakdown. Those things seem pretty nasty from what I've seen..
As for being seemingly lazy right now, I'd allow yourself a bit more time to just savour the fact that you and your beau are in the exact same place right now. It's only been a few weeks right?
Indeed it has, indeed it has . . .
You could ignore your tummy and take a tums but instead you've decided to get to the root of the problem. It's a good thing cause then maybe you won't wake up at 45 because you think maybe you had a mini-stroke and go to the doctor to find out your body is working so poorly you're lucky you're still alive. You spend the next year getting open heart surgery, replacing veins that have become clotted from your tummy abuse and generally feeling like shit. You try to change your diet but it seems like too much work since you're used to your life so you replace your potato chips with baked versions and your pop with iced tea and hope that that adds another year to your life. Thank god we aren't baby boomers and know a little more about ourselves than that.
Amen!
Posta un commento