giovedì, ottobre 05, 2006

Why I Love Northern England, Part III

I’ve been touched by how supportive friends and acquaintances have been lately, from my tai chi instructor to the well-groomed blue-eyed French-Canadian civil servant who got me my passport in three hours to the darling of my heart. I understand a little better helplessness in the face of people who have lost someone they love. But I also understand that sympathy works wonders, and that when all else fails you can just get pregnant – Little Bitch made me smile by reminding me she’s due to ‘even the score’ by popping an infant in the next week or so.

We can’t all pop babies at the drop of a hat, but I know many people may still want to do tangible things besides offering sympathy to make me feel better. Thanks. I’ve thought of something, inspired by an event yesterday during the cortége going to the crematorium.

The funeral finished around the same time school let out. We left the charming old Norman church where my grandfather had done so much conscientious Anglican good work (but all the way through, pretty hymns not withstanding, I couldn’t shake the feeling it was just a made-up religion for backwashed Catholics) and drove sedately behind the hearse, four veritable fountains of tears trailing after my endlessly curious ‘oh I say, what’s behind that big rock up there’ grandfather for the last time.

My aunt had her street-side window cracked a couple of inches to stop the windows from fogging, I suppose, which gave three of us (my grandmother, thankfully, hears nothing below the pitch of a shout) the benefit of listening to the editorials of passing schoolchildren; mostly limited to ‘ooooooooooeerrrrgh! A dead baw-deee!’

She closed the window.

So if you really want to make Mistress La Spliffe and her family feel better, please find a bratty schoolchild from Yorkshire, step on its face, have your photograph taken and submit the results to me. Each will make our hearts sing and the finest will be posted on this blog.

10 commenti:

Miss Daiquiri ha detto...

I know I definetly kicked a couple when I lived in Sheffield and refused to sell booze/ fags to a few more. But that was about six years ago and possibly the worng part of the county.

Lady ha detto...

i'm afraid the week has gone by so quickly and i still don't have your beau's e-mail or phone number... i have neglected my entertaining duties!

got the new scissor sisters album... did you? it made me insanely happy. :) miss youuuuuuu...

Mistress La Spliffe ha detto...

Anna, knowing some of those children were refused booze and fags is a great comfort. And Lady, you're awfully naughty! But he's doing quite well and leaving Toronto today anyways. Yes, I have the new Scissor Sisters album. It's also a great comfort.

Sugarplum ha detto...

I wish there was something that I could say or do to help but I remember that when my grandmother died people's attempts at sympathy made me uncomfortable and didn't help much at all. What did help was seeing all the people who loved her and whose lives she had contributed to and knowing that mine was one of them. I feel close to her whenever I do something she loved. Go ahead, Mistress, go see what's behind that rock.

Mistress La Spliffe ha detto...

calisaurus said...

How about a regular Canadian schoolchild? I can step one of their faces!?

I'm very sorry for your loss Mistress... :o(

Will we be seeing you on Tuesday for SS, or are you still away? Oh, and Mr. N and I (without Mr. S or Ms. B - school stuff) are going to Shake a Tail on the 14th, and I know Mr. N is *really* hoping you'll come too! (me too)

Cali, your comment is so important I'm recopying it here while I delete the extra entry. Wow, eh? Because it's important to me to go to Shake a Tail. Very important.

Also important is that I'll be at Scissor Sisters - oh god, please let Mr. not have forgotten my tickets, please - can you make sure he hasn't? I'm getting back to Toronto Monday night.

I also hope to see Mr. S at some point - maybe at SS - I have his b-day present.

Mistress La Spliffe ha detto...

Sugar, you're right. There's alot of aspects of Grandad's personality I'm adopting, or was raised with, or already have, or whatever. Ripping off his admirable traits is the best way to honour his memory - seriously. He was special.

Melbine ha detto...

I wish there was a bratty schoolchild from Yorkshire close by, I'd stomp on his or her face for sure. Well, no I wouldn't because I can't afford to get charged right now, but I would be thinking it definitely...

That's fabulous that you're taking the best of your Grandad's personality and carrying on the traits. That's what it's all about.

calisaurus ha detto...

I've just confirmed with Mr. N that he has 2 tickets for you for SS.

Mistress La Spliffe ha detto...

Melbine, live a little . . . and Calisaur, I'm so excited my teeth are chattering! You're gorgeous for checking!

Melbine ha detto...

Ha-ha, okay. Next bratty schoolkid - watch out!