martedì, ottobre 03, 2006

Why I love Northern England

On the train leaving Manchester aeroport, a couple who sat in front of me grabbed my attention because they looked so ill-suited; a pretty, refined, Eastern European girl and big florid English bastard with thinning, spiky blond hair, looking for all the world fresh off the Danish Viking ship.

They were macking so wetly and loudly that I was on the verge of being annoyed until I remembered how shameless I am about grabbing Figaro's goodies in public, so I just ignored them as well as I could instead of rolling my eyes or yelling "If you want him to come quick you have to lick his balls!" (thank you, Margaret Cho).

The girl got out at Manchester Piccadilly and after kissing her off the big florid bastard sat back down. He started sniffling as the train gathered speed. Awww, I thought. They live in different cities and went on vacation together. I felt bad for them, then smug because I co-habit with my best boy, and then I started inventing all sorts of scenarios for these star-crossed lovers; extra-marital affairs, the woman giving the man the big adios during the vacation, et cetera.

As I was letting my fancy fly, my eye fell on the magazine the big bastard had started reading after he stopped sniffling over the lady. It was a skin mag. He was looking at porn. Really intently, too, like he was studying it to describe on a test later.

Sweet.

8 commenti:

Sugarplum ha detto...

Beautiful scenario.

Though, vikings in my fantasies are always hot and never balding. And delicious, not dirty.

Mistress La Spliffe ha detto...

In my fantasies, the Vikings wear the pointy helmets so I can't tell if they're balding or not. And then a Lascar pirate swings in, rescues me from the Blonde Men Who Are Not Sexy Like All Blonde Men Are Not Sexy, and we live happily ever after. The end.

Sugarplum ha detto...

A pirate, eh? Well, I am never saved but live my life as the woman in the Epic of Gilgamesh who spends her time teaching Enkidu how to relate to the "civilized" world.

Mistress La Spliffe ha detto...

That would be hot, but it reminds me of J*Fish, who's blonde and therefore not sexy.

Melbine ha detto...

I can never think of pirates the same now that Tink is going to be one for Halloween. But I totally remember what you're talking about Mistress.

I wonder if the porn mag was a going away gift from his lover?!

Mistress La Spliffe ha detto...

Call me an idiot, but I had totally not thought of that. You're a genius, and the story has gained a new romance!

calisaurus ha detto...

Hey, blondes can be sexy!

Mistress La Spliffe ha detto...

I'm sure they can, Cali, I speak subjectively, and even so I'd pay $500 for a night of passion with Beau Duke (John Schnieder, not fucking Toby McGuire or whoever played him in the fucking movie)