Rocks off

Birthday list has got bigger as I pay more attention to the deficiencies of my collection of possessions - Opera glasses, subscription to the Economist or Foreign Affairs, music, books, a surprise, a wallet, a proper warm hoodie, pretty winter accessories, or a pasta scoop dealy.

Carrying on. This isn’t the right blog to read if you want details of someone’s emotional or sexual life. Things like ‘I could hardly see it’ or ‘the dumb bastard had stubble on them’ might pop out, and the men concerned might read them. This would suck since I wouldn't want to hurt them by pointing out things they can’t help, and I wouldn't want to point out the obvious fact that they should keep their bits either hairy or naked but not in between. Because any man who's dim enough to let his bits go stubbly deserves the contempt he gets for it. It's like an Early Warning System of catastrophic inconsiderateness.

Meeeee-ow. See, the pure scratch-factor of those last two sentences is why I don't write about these things concretely. But I have been thinking about sex in a couple of abstract ways.

First, I was talking to Little G on November 14 after posting what I thought was an inconsequential blab about semantics, Messalina, and the sad logic of the lousiness of men who sleep with loose girls. I was telling her how some of my Euro-students had a hard time telling the difference between slut and whore, and then I remembered the Italians also had a hard time distinguishing slut-whore from bitch. We chatted a bit about this, and she pointed out that while indeed it was awkward, English was deficient in that we don’t really have a word that embraces all three ideas. So we made one: blorch. It's a very hard thing to call someone without laughing, which is nice but just might block its acceptance into common language. I can't imagine it being yelled in the heat of anger by the sort of lame-ass people who actually use such words in seriousness.

And then, REEFER MADNESS! I was 'outside with the courgettes', as the Italians say, and talking to someone about something, and the question of when to sleep with someone you know you’re interested in came up. Someone argued it should be right away, since if you wait the interest often ebbs before you get your rocks off, or else you get a warped view of his personality because he’s altering his behavior in a wildly unpredictable way to get you to spread. It was probably me who argued that, since though I’m no man-layin’ dynamo I can’t think of a good ‘get to know first’ argument offhand besides not having any condoms. Would anybody like to fill in the blanks?