"Hung Up" = Carrion Cannibalism

What Ayn Rand did to the philosophical novel is what Madonna has done with ‘Gimme Gimme Gimme (A Man After Midnight)’ – take something flawed and made it fucking unbearable. I might not listen to ABBA, but I understand people will have relationship shit, a few drinks, and think a line like ‘knowing me, knowing you, there is nothing we can do, knowing me knowing you, aah haaaaaaaaaa’ is really apt. And there's one song I just love - the one where she’s sick and tired of everything, and calls some guy that night from Glasgow. I’ve been there, Swedish lady. We’ve all been there.

Anyways, fuck ABBA, is my point. The vehicle that gets people to put it on after a few drinks is a series of nice little things that make you want to hum or dance or something. The ‘doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doooooooo, doo-doo-doo-doo-do-do-do-do-do’ from ‘Gimme Gimme Gimme’ is one of these things. So is the ‘dee-do-dee-do-dee-do-dee-do-DEE-do-DEE-do-DEE-do-DEE-do’ in ‘Mamma Mia’ or the ‘doooooooo-do-doooooooo-do-do-do-do-do-dooooo’ in ‘Dancing Queen’. Throw these nice little things over a pretty bass line? Great! You can go, “hey! It’s that nice little ABBA thing!” and dance to the pretty bass line. No harm done - in fact, it'll probably be adding to the sum goodness of the world. But if you mix the ‘doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doooooooo, doo-doo-doo-doo-do-do-do-do-do’ over a pretty bass line and THEN put Madonna’s execrable vocals over them, the cocktail goes ass-up and it feels like there just aren’t enough coca leaves in the world to take the pain away.

In the midst of the slings and arrows and kudos and bouquets hurled at Madonna, we should all take the time to remember that her voice eats souls.

This is probably bothering me more than it ought at the moment because I have a co-worker who plays 'Confessions from the Dance Floor' at her desk during office hours. This is the same girl, Lady, who had the ‘bug or virus, the doctors don’t know which’ – something contagious, in any case - and spent a solid half-hour puking at her desk despite everybody telling her to go home.

Yeah.

Anyways, let's accentuate the positive. James Blunt, someone who just got nominated for a kabillion Brit awards, has a mouth that's even prettier than an ABBA hook. I wonder if he's any good. Remind me to Limewire him.