My body shall be crushed out of the very form of humanity ere it become the victim of thy brutality

Had a vampire dream the other night that turned out to be remarkable. The vampire in question was decadent looking young man, that real fainting feathery cynical romantic Baudelaire-Jude Law type who look like they express erotic affection by tying you up and kicking your ass. Not really my type anymore, and in the dream certainly not my type because I was half-conscious I bore a faint resemblance to that poor murdered British student in Perugia. She's been playing on my mind because there but for the grace of God, but I mustn't keep thinking this way or I'll deny my kids the chance to do all the stupid and educational things I did.

So. I was sitting in some school building studying industriously away. The vampire came along and decided he would drink all my blood, and set about seducing me to smooth his way to do so. While my interest was piqued, I smiled and said "I'm not that kind of a girl", which is a line I'd never use in real life, because let's face it, we're ALL that kind of girl and we're just not interested - shouldn't blame ourselves. But it had an odd effect on the vampire. It became very "Ivanhoe", very Rebecca-the-Jewess-and-Brian-Bois-de-Guilbert; my refusal of his advances inspired him with an adoration of my moral fibre et cetera, and he went from wanting to drain my heart dry to wanting to make me into a vampire too, so we could both traipse about an immortal existence in our feathery cynical romantic way, probably staring dully at waterfalls a lot and writing poetry about decay - you know how it is.

As the love blossomed on his face I realized something was wrong, much more wrong than a persistent young man bothering me, something even more wrong than the prospect of assault. I seemed to smell carrion, and I realized he was dead and would somehow make me dead forever, so I freaked. Got up and ran, which of course you're not supposed to do with a vampire because they can run faster. I realized that and started freaking more freakily. Ran up some flights of stairs with him gaining on my heels, saw an open french window on the fifth floor, and ran full tilt into the void with a grateful heart.

He screamed in despair. "That'll show him," I thought I as I plummeted. And then Batman saved me and took me away from all this.

True story.