The Red Dragon ponders where she came from

Pardon me for the lack of links and italics in the following entry but the F-word hasn't updated his browser since Belgium had a goverment. We've been watching a neat-o documentary about dinosaurs. Dinosaurs haven't lost any of their fascination for me because I only watched the first Jurassic Park for the Jeff Goldblum, who I dug whilst pubescent, and also because I'm so into making up bullshit relative to evolutionary psychology. And because they're big. With great big teeth and spikes and shit. Fuckin' A!

So Thursday is the easy day at work, and having dinosaurs on the brain I decided on a little light wikireadiaing about the evolution of mammals, hoping I could find some distant, implausible but emotionally pleasing evolutionary explanation for my various perversions. And did I ever! I happened to be listening to my not-so-secret guilty pleasure, Chris Isaak, of course singing "Wicked Game", as I read that during the Triassic* "acute senses of hearing . . . became vital" for our insectivore ancestors, and "this accelerated the development of the mammalian middle ear, and therefore of the mammalian jaw since bones which had been part of the jaw joint became part of the middle ear."

At that point all of human voice-y things suddenly laid themselves out for me as one extended mating call, one complicated effort made in a billion different ways to get some appropriate person to make babies with you. And that all our various perversions are just a way of maintaining some sort of genetic diversity - if you like wearing socks whilst fucking**, for example, but no one else in your tribe likes fucking in socks, you'll look outside of your tribe and use your incredible talking abilities to work out who likes fucking in socks. And the better you are at talking about them the more you can make those perversions painstakingly precise or subtle, because the cleverer you are about investigating whether other people are into them, and the further afield you'll go to satisfy them. Which is why humans, the best talkers in the animal world, are also unquestionably the biggest pervs.

Not sure how Chris Isaak fits into all this. I reckon as an example, because someone who uses the word 'wicked' so many times in a sexy song must understand something precise about guilty sex that thousands of ex-Catholic chicks like me dig and he's communicating that subtly to all of us at once by having a moaning duet with his guitar. Does jazzing on an abstract emotional concept of sensual good and evil divorced from your partner in any sense except his sheer inappropriacy count as a perversion? I should say so. A wicked game indeed. Well spotted, Chris. But pretty much guaranteed to get you out & spreading your genetic material beyond your own little tribe of Madonna-worshipping Cathos who'd prefer to fuck you through a hole in the bedsheets or have a few glasses of wine and then treat you like a prozzy.

I love bullshit evolutionary psychology, it's my fave. The post-modern way of saying God is on your side . . .

*Why do they insist on such funny names for prehistoric eras? Reminds me of the three-assed monkey from South Park.

**One of the more revolting consensual perversions in existence. I'm pretty open minded but that shit is gross.