On Holes (too many and too few)

I love when American politicians are caught with their dick in the wrong hole. Right wing, left wing, I don't care. You know why? In that country once they have any stature whatsoever, they're all part of a juggernaut of suits struggling and struggling to pretend their penises have nothing to do with anything. You know why? Because ideologically speaking, that country's political scene is a black hole whose destructive powers are controlled almost exclusively through the industrial groups that quite legally pay them off. And so to keep a country that continues to be influenced by its insanely idealistically God-dy settlers engaged in the 'political process', they have to fetishize their preternatural sexlessness, with similar disastrous consequences as with Catholic priests, who are also operating in a destructive ideological black hole and also distracting their adherents with hocus-pocus.

The focus of the hocus-pocus needs to go off the cock and on to the ideology. We need another Obama to come along, but this time, instead of turning the weed and the blow into a non-issue before the campaign even starts, he'll have to admit to fucking everything that didn't run screaming in the opposite direction before the campaign even starts. Arnold, I'm waiting for you . . .

But not to ruin another Batman franchise. Got high and saw The Dark Knight this weekend; it was the greatest superhero movie I've ever seen. I was hesitant to watch it, after liking the first Christopher Nolan a good bit and then hating the new Hulk movie so much after looking forward to it so much . . . but the new Batman surpassed all my repressed but very high expectations. My disbelief was suspended; that never happens anymore, at least not with superhero movies, no matter how much reefer I suck into my lungs. By the end, when Batman said 'set your dogs on me,' I was into it enough for the Bad Seeds' 'Ship Song', ordinarily one of my least favourite, pop into my head and play for the rest of the day without irony. Goddamn, Christian Bale is a piece of ass.

And you know, the first 30 seconds Heath Ledger was on the screen, I thought 'it's such a pity that poor boy's dead, he's really great!' But then I didn't think about it again for the rest of the movie. Now I'm back to thinking it's a crying shame. I haven't enjoyed his past performances besides in 10 Things I Hate About You, which was otherwise stupid, and I thought Brokeback Mountain was also rather stupid (though I did cry when he sniffed the shirt), but he always struck me as a boy who was going to grow up into something worth watching, maybe not Spencer-Tracy-worth-watching, but probably Robert-DeNiro-worth-watching. Now I figure he would have been Spencer-Tracy-worth-watching, and was, for one glorious super-hero movie. Poor, poor boy. Boy, whatever, a year younger than me. That counts as a boy.

An aside on the poor dead boy: last week, San Francisca and my boss, in commenting on the movie, said no one would be talking about an Oscar for him if he hadn't died. How prestigious do they think the Oscars are, for fuck's sake? This is the awards ceremony that recognized Titanic as a contribution to anything besides making me want to puke. This is the awards ceremony that recognized Russell Crowe's Gladiator as anything but a marketing concept successful at being both a wank fantasy for girls into butch and boys . . . well, boys. And that's not even the most embarrassing things that have happened at that mighty industry circle jerk.

I guess that aside was more about the Oscars than the poor dead boy. Sorry. It's just that I really hate the Oscars, and I can't bring Heath Ledger back.

Already can't wait for the third Batman movie . . . it will be a bitch without the Joker character but writing-and-casting-wise those Nolan boys haven't let me down yet. Memento was awesome and I even liked The Prestige, despite Hugh Jackman not being the most convincing actor in the universe, and despite the fact that David Bowie managed to fuck up a Nicholas Tesla cameo - holy shit, how can someone suck that bad? That's like Madonna-bad. Anyways, they've never let me down with the writing, and they always cast male leads who I want to have pile on top of me like duvets on a cold winter's night. After the first Batman movie I dreamt of a Christan Bale/Mistress La Spliffe/Cillian Murphy sandwich, but throw in Aaron Eckhart and Heath Ledger too, and heavens, they'd all have to take turns. Even the fantasy would last for hours, and I'm a premature imaginator. But now, sadly, I must go to work instead.